Ups and Downs

[litotease]

RL is being bittersweet. I am being moody and weepy and spacey and withdrawn.

c8h10n4o2junkie is moving into her very own, very first apartment. It's a little, darling studio with a great deal of (what we will euphemistically call) character. She's very excited, and a little nervous; she's never lived alone, and it's her name on the lease and the utilities.

As for me, well. It's been just the two of us since she was five months old (idiot ex went underground and under the table to avoid all responsibility, financial and emotional; truly his loss). So she has been my constant companion for 25 years. She has also been my wing man, half of the vaudeville act that is (and has always been) the two of us together, my caretaker when I was fighting cancer, my reason for breathing on the bad days, and -- since she turned 18 and decided maybe I was an OK human being after all -- my best friend. She makes me laugh harder and more often than anybody else ever (the ginormous laugh lines I sport -- eyes to chin, guys -- are all her fault). She knows me better than anybody else ever, too.

She's not going far -- less than an hour -- but she won't be here. I'm proud of her, and she needs to live closer to school, and she needs to fly without me, and my heart hurts so hard. I will miss her every day.

So. Time for me to learn how to have an independent life of my own. And on that note, I just registered for Escapade! (OMG, WTF am I doing going to a Con? People SCARE me, people!)

Comments

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

Yes, absolutely, the dam. But the dam, for me was the overt emotional climax, the "what" of the story.

The scene I quoted at you, though, for all the reasons you mention, is the "why" (why this story, why Sam'nDean at all, why SPN fandom). They're so different, those two, and they drive each other crazy, but they know each other inside and out and love each other beyond reason anyway. I think a lot of us crave to be seen and known and loved anyway like that. (And yes, totally incidental to the wincest. Good gen in this fandom has much of the same kick as slash [just without the hawt]. Even when it's clear they're not "doing" each other, that doesn't mitigate how in love with each other they are.)

I'm intrigued that you were trying to do a scene in which they "deal" with the incest. I totally felt like it was dealt with: "a weird Oedipal variation on a wet dream," "It wouldn't be all that different than the hundred thousand casual touches over the years, except in all the ways it would be," "shove it in the box labeled Family Shit to be dealt with later," "'You get off on watching. Not exactly a world-class kink, little brother,'" "focuses on the woman pressed close to him...and not on the other hands that occasionally tangle with his own," "Sam's really not ready to think about why that's almost enough to get him hard one more time. Or why Dean doesn't say anything when he catches Sam watching," and OMG I have to stop pulling quotes now, but that's certainly not all of them. The incest is there every time Sam tries not to think what he's thinking, not to feel what he's feeling. There's never a doubt throughout that this is a "big thing," nothing to make it seem as if either one of them is thinking, "Oh, hey, incest; cool," or even the ubiquitous, casually presented "we're not normal anyway so why should we care.*" Their awareness of family and taboo permeates the whole story, so, for me, an official scene addressing it wasn't necessary. I'm glad it morphed like it did.

I will shut up now

Absolutely NOT necessary on my account. *g*

*I never mind if this is where they end up, but I never believe that they'd be casual in getting there.

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear--would you believe that when I first read this comment, I came near to swooning with joy? Unfortunately, I read it on the go, on my phone and then it got buried in my inbox before I could come back and squeal with glee at you and babble my thanks.

That scene, oh, that scene--I wanted them to put it out there, to acknowledge out loud that they knew exactly what they were doing, that it wasn't just something they were going to brush off as too much adrenaline, too much drinking. But even after I got that down, it felt like a big deal at the end when Dean starts to kiss Sam in the daylight, and Sam finishes it off, so there were lots of tentacles still to be dealt with. (Especially since the completely unnecessary continuation of the whole story is how Sam starts to think Dean isn't ever going to stop driving, or once he finally does, leave the bar where they're eating to go back to the room, where it's just *them* and a *bed*. And it kind of ticks him off and he says the things that need to be said, but the exact wrong way that Dean needs to hear them and it takes them a really long time to sort things out. Yellowstone helps, though.)

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

And it kind of ticks him off and he says the things that need to be said, but the exact wrong way that Dean needs to hear them and it takes them a really long time to sort things out.

This made me laugh so hard! Because, of course that's how it would go down -- simple, clean, and easy just aren't in their repertoire.