For the First Time Ever, I'm Immensely Sorry I'm a Lurker

[litotease]

Except for the abject moral rage and deep community sorrow I was feeling, the Great LiveJournal Strikeout 2007 itself didn't affect me at all; I've never followed HP fandom at all, so I'd never heard of pornish_pixies (and see how pretty that name looks today, without all of those ugly dashes through it!), and I've never read any of the other journals involved. 

However, for the past year, I've mostly been reading in & about Supernatural -- you know, that show that's sparked the terms wincest, and wee!cest. Incest.  Underage.  Two of the keywords that were getting people banned, banned, banned from their community.  As far as I know, no one in the Supernatural fandom had their account suspended (which, given how random the suspensions seemed, must be sheer, blind luck).  Still, many, many of the fans in this fandom responded with reasonable, rational, absolutely justifiable paranoia.

So it wasn't the Strikeout itself that got me where I live.  It was the Great LiveJournal Lockdown that followed it.   Because there is a group of women out there who, on a daily basis, make me think, smile, laugh out loud.  Some days, they make my heart ache; others, they make my panties damp.  (Occasionally -- damn you all, you good writers, you -- they do both at the same time.)  On the really bad days, sometimes checking in with them gives me pretty much all I have to look forward to.  And for a brief period of time, I was flocked out.

Because not a one of them knows who I am.

For I am a lurker.  I have one of those creepy lurker journals.  I don't produce (fiction, commentary, artwork, recs, personal nattering); I have nothing to post.  I don't use LiveJournal's "friends list" function.  Most of the time, I don't even log into LJ, because I've got everything and everybody I'm interested in bookmarked.

Yesterday, my fannish silence?  Bit. Me. On. The. Ass.

Hard.

Because my silence means that I have no fan cred.  None, nada, zero, zip.  Zilch. 

In the middle of a witch hunt, when no one is certain where the enemy is getting their information, how far they've infiltrated, and how far they're willing to go -- this is not the right time to approach a stranger:  "Oh, Hi!  You have absolutely no idea who I am, and I have absolutely nothing to show you, but I like your work about this subject that's getting people kicked off of LiveJournal left and right, so would you blindly put me on the list of people you trust not to report you to the wrong authorities, please?"  Yeah.  I wouldn't, either.

This time, so far, the problem seems to have mostly gone away (most people are unlocking their fiction and meta, others are planning to unlock once they've reorganized and split-off anything personally identifiable).  This time, only one of my fandoms (the one nearest and dearest to my heart, granted) was threatened.

I'm still leery.  With this attack coming so close on the heels of the FanLib debacle, public attention has been drawn to fanfic.  I think it's possible (not probable, but possible) that fans will have to find a new safe place.  If that's so, well.  Wither thou goest. 

I just don't want to be left behind. 

So, hi, y'all!  *waves shyly, uncertain of reception*   You rock my world.

Any other lurkers out there feeling the pinch?

Comments

[katesnotes.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to say this is me too. I didn't get very effected by the lockdown cos I am not a huge Supernatural or Harry Potter fan and those seemed to be where the worst of it was. But the lockdown did scare me - every time I get scared like this I try to participate more - I write comments like this one or post a bit of discussion on my journal. But it doesn't come naturally to me and after a few days I taper off again. I try to remember to comment on fic I like but i often feel embarrassed about having nothing particular to say. I hope you don't mind if I friend you, I would like to have other quiet people like me on my friends list.

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

it doesn't come naturally to me

Me, either.

i often feel embarrassed about having nothing particular to say

Or, I have something to say, but by the time I find the story/post/discussion, three people have already said it, and said it far more articulately than I ever could.

Please, friend away. And thank you for the post.

[lokte.livejournal.com]

Or, I have something to say, but by the time I find the story/post/discussion, three people have already said it, and said it far more articulately than I ever could.

That is exactly how I felt and it was preventing me from leaving comments. I felt bad that I was enjoying stories so much and not even saying thank you in return.

A lot of the people who leave comments are good writers and so their comments are going to sound much more articulate than mine as I am strictly a reader. Eventually I just took the decision to go ahead no matter how lame what I say seems.

With regards to repetition, in the majority of cases I just leave a comment before reading the other comments. This means that I feel free to say what I want. I figure that if an aspect of the story was so good that it receives multiple shoutouts then this will help demonstrate to the writer just how well that point worked.

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

I figure that if an aspect of the story was so good that it receives multiple shoutouts then this will help demonstrate to the writer just how well that point worked.

That's...a really good way to think about it. Thank you.