For the First Time Ever, I'm Immensely Sorry I'm a Lurker

[litotease]

Except for the abject moral rage and deep community sorrow I was feeling, the Great LiveJournal Strikeout 2007 itself didn't affect me at all; I've never followed HP fandom at all, so I'd never heard of pornish_pixies (and see how pretty that name looks today, without all of those ugly dashes through it!), and I've never read any of the other journals involved. 

However, for the past year, I've mostly been reading in & about Supernatural -- you know, that show that's sparked the terms wincest, and wee!cest. Incest.  Underage.  Two of the keywords that were getting people banned, banned, banned from their community.  As far as I know, no one in the Supernatural fandom had their account suspended (which, given how random the suspensions seemed, must be sheer, blind luck).  Still, many, many of the fans in this fandom responded with reasonable, rational, absolutely justifiable paranoia.

So it wasn't the Strikeout itself that got me where I live.  It was the Great LiveJournal Lockdown that followed it.   Because there is a group of women out there who, on a daily basis, make me think, smile, laugh out loud.  Some days, they make my heart ache; others, they make my panties damp.  (Occasionally -- damn you all, you good writers, you -- they do both at the same time.)  On the really bad days, sometimes checking in with them gives me pretty much all I have to look forward to.  And for a brief period of time, I was flocked out.

Because not a one of them knows who I am.

For I am a lurker.  I have one of those creepy lurker journals.  I don't produce (fiction, commentary, artwork, recs, personal nattering); I have nothing to post.  I don't use LiveJournal's "friends list" function.  Most of the time, I don't even log into LJ, because I've got everything and everybody I'm interested in bookmarked.

Yesterday, my fannish silence?  Bit. Me. On. The. Ass.

Hard.

Because my silence means that I have no fan cred.  None, nada, zero, zip.  Zilch. 

In the middle of a witch hunt, when no one is certain where the enemy is getting their information, how far they've infiltrated, and how far they're willing to go -- this is not the right time to approach a stranger:  "Oh, Hi!  You have absolutely no idea who I am, and I have absolutely nothing to show you, but I like your work about this subject that's getting people kicked off of LiveJournal left and right, so would you blindly put me on the list of people you trust not to report you to the wrong authorities, please?"  Yeah.  I wouldn't, either.

This time, so far, the problem seems to have mostly gone away (most people are unlocking their fiction and meta, others are planning to unlock once they've reorganized and split-off anything personally identifiable).  This time, only one of my fandoms (the one nearest and dearest to my heart, granted) was threatened.

I'm still leery.  With this attack coming so close on the heels of the FanLib debacle, public attention has been drawn to fanfic.  I think it's possible (not probable, but possible) that fans will have to find a new safe place.  If that's so, well.  Wither thou goest. 

I just don't want to be left behind. 

So, hi, y'all!  *waves shyly, uncertain of reception*   You rock my world.

Any other lurkers out there feeling the pinch?

Comments

Not a lurker, but...

[polly-b.livejournal.com]

*grabs you in a big old welcoming hug*

[ursamajor]

You got metafandomed! (Which is how I found this post.) And as one of those equally appreciative and quiet lurkers, a big heaping helping of word.

[logovo.livejournal.com]

I'm here via metafandom, just to drop by and let you know that I lurked in LJ for a couple of years before jumping in. It takes time and some amount of energy to make get "social networking" thing going, specially for someone like myself, who does not post fic or meta. I just sort of hang around and only make short post here and there. Some feedback to authors, a little shared squee, but that is it.

Sometimes it's easier to keep quiet and just enjoy, because I rather spend my limited time reading fic than anything else.

Hope you enjoy unlurking :)

[serendu.livejournal.com]

I saw this over at metafandom and I so know how you feel!

I tend to lurk in a number of fandoms and when people started locking down I was incredibly grateful that I had on odd occasion left reviews.

And having just ordered Supernatural to see what all the fuss is about - I'm guessing there should be some interesting fic out there to read?!

*adds to friends as you can never have enough on ta intaweb*

[ficcentricity.livejournal.com]

Here via metafandom, as well. :) And I just wanted to say, I so feel for you. I lurked on LJ for about two years before I considered getting account, and it took a few months for me to muster up the courage to post.

And people comment! They comment, and I boggle, because I'm so unused to being engaged in conversation online, and most of the time I do not quite know how to respond and hope I do not offend people unintentionally. (I still lurk a lot. I still haven't friended the people that made me get an account on the first place--I check their LJs individually, giggle, and pass on. I'm still working on the perfect introductory comment--and I'm just incredibly in awe of them and shy and and. Guh.)

Also from metafandom

[yourlibrarian]

I just wanted to say it was interesting to hear this POV about the event, especially since there must be so many lurkers who don't even have reading journals. Thanks for posting this!

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

Yep, I lurked for months before I posted -- now I have friends I cannot imagine living without. So come on in, the water's fine! (And hey, you got metafandomed on your debut post, that's pretty wild!)

[randomblade.livejournal.com]

Any other lurkers out there feeling the pinch?

Yus. I was even offline for a few days while the whol thing was going down and then BAM!!!

And I'm all... hallo... I, um... don't hate you...?

*Waves shyly*

[bell]

Not a lurker or a Supernatural fan, but I do say you should join the fray-- it's fun and there's a lot of stuff going on backstage you're missing out on. :) Don't even really need to participate a lot; leaving comments like "HI I LIKEZ YOUR STORY" is enough to get to know people. Familiar faces are nice, after all!

(And I do sympathize-- because I lurk on MANY things and thus automatically only see what's going on stage.)

[gwionfawyr.livejournal.com]

For the most part I only post to a few close friends, but I like Supernatural fanfic and I welcome another lurker into the fold. So... Hi. *waves with a grin*

Sammy, Dean or BiBro?

[katesnotes.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to say this is me too. I didn't get very effected by the lockdown cos I am not a huge Supernatural or Harry Potter fan and those seemed to be where the worst of it was. But the lockdown did scare me - every time I get scared like this I try to participate more - I write comments like this one or post a bit of discussion on my journal. But it doesn't come naturally to me and after a few days I taper off again. I try to remember to comment on fic I like but i often feel embarrassed about having nothing particular to say. I hope you don't mind if I friend you, I would like to have other quiet people like me on my friends list.

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

::waves::

Hello, here via metafandom and while I'm not a lurker now, I was for a lot of years in the past, so I get where you're coming from. Plus, a couple of my hard-core comfort fics ended up being locked down and I know they'll come back, but...::sigh:: I miss them already.

Also, I read your sticky-post and I had to comment with my Trixie and Honey icon (keyword=BFF, because they so are.) Oh, and yay for another old broad in fandom. =)

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

I don't write SPN fic often but I'm a huge fan of the show and I can see exactly what you mean and imagine how disconcerting it must have felt.

I'm hopeless at lurking; too mouthy :;g:; but I understand how it can be a comforting place to be in somewhere new.

But it's a lot of fun interacting, too, as you are now, so hi and :;hugs:;

[cathexys.livejournal.com]

I think you just addressed a really important issue, namely the fact that while many of us were worrying about leaving and who'd be going where, many of us have each other's email addresses, phone numbers, we can get in touch with one another...

But I was a lurker long enough to know that panic when suddenly those people who have no idea who you are--but with whom *you* feel connected--disappear.

I'm not sure what the answers are for a lurker: I'd encourage unlurking (and you did that in style :) or maybe just make sure to have enough personal addresses of some of your favorite fans that you *could* email them if you had to? I'd still suggest the unlurking route (though feedbacking people for years of fic is a real pain *g*)

[seleneheart]

Welcome out of the shadows!!

Ditto

[turangaleela.livejournal.com]

Same song and same verse. It's difficult because I don't have anything to offer except feedback and I don't necessarily want a new BF, I just want to read a little fic, offer a comment, maybe some meta and go on. If fandom locks up like a bank safe, I'm left out. :(

[angiepen.livejournal.com]

[Here from metafandom. [wave]]

Well, you're certainly not unknown now. :D Hi there and welcome out into the light!

Angie

[angiepen.livejournal.com]

The perfect first comment to a writer you really like is something like, "I really liked this story! Thanks for posting!" There you go. :) Sure, I love to get in-depth commentary on my stories, complete with quotes and all, but even just a brief note letting me know that someone is reading and enjoying rocks my socks.

Angie

[featherofeeling.livejournal.com]

(Here from metafandom.) Thanks for posting this and voicing the thoughts of some who by definition aren't terribly visible in fandom! I'm mostly a lurker, and for me, it wasn't a big problem during this crisis, and I wasn't locked out of the journals I wanted to read. But being a lurker is a problem when something major happens and I feel out of the loop, either powerless to make an mark in fandom or not part of those social networks that sustain people and keep them connected even through something like this scare.
Anyway, hi! ^^

[quivo.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I can't say I know exactly how it feels to be a lurker, since I wasn't one for very long, and also wasn't one on LJ, where flocks can seem like tall stone walls at times. I do know I float around in mid-lurker status most of the time - I don't know what I'd be posting in my LJ if I wasn't writing fic and hadn't had that experience to spur me on to new ones.

Like cathexys, I'll also go ahead and suggest keeping up with the delurk. Also, try friending the journals of the people whose journals you follow that don't have stringent policies, and comment once in a while. Also (god, I know this comment is sounds like a boring to-do list, but please bear with it), try following metafandom - it's one of the reasons I still interact with LJ daily. And feel free to drop in and comment on something that interests you, especially if the discussion is still young - that's what I do, and to this day I still feel awkward commenting on people's journals that I don't know (like, hello, yours!) unless I feel strongly about the topic. I don't think the feeling of being left out or unwelcome ever completely goes away - it can jump you when you least expect it, which only makes the times when you expect it and feel it feel worse.

*sighs* This is one of those times when I dearly wish I'd tried to exploit the friends group feature when I started out. I have an itchy feeling that it would allow me to friend everyone back and still filter out stuff I'm not comfortable with sharing with EVERYONE, which would help prevent journal blackouts of the sort that must have happened here while I was at work :P :P

[normaltrouble.livejournal.com]

I've been lurking intermittently. I do rec some fanfic on my LJ, and I do comment, I even make icons-- but I am sorta quiet, and kinda lacking in the "fan crd", too. If fanfic went elsewhere, I might get a little lost.

So I am a lurkerish persona, and "howdy" back.

[memento64.livejournal.com]

here via metafandom, too and wanted to say hello ::waves:: and I sympathize. Despite my occasional posting, I remain largely a lurker. I was a lurker back in the days when fandom was in the usenet groups, I was a lurker when it migrated to mostly web sites, and I'm a lurker on LJ. I'd suggest we all get together and start a community, but it would probably be the quietest community in LJ history.

[bluevsgrey.livejournal.com]

I totally know what you mean.

Do you mind if I friend you? I figure we lurkers should stick together.

[scatteredgray.livejournal.com]

I'm not a complete lurker, but I may as well be, I guess since my fanproduction has been zero for years and years no matter how many times I tell myself to write some porn to gain a smidge of fan!cred.

All I've really done is comment and feedback, but I go through cycles of commenting a lot, then not at all, so I still don't know anyone.

If fandom locks down, I'm locked out.

[lily-liedtome.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Hi! Here via metafandom


You know, I was actually thinking about this earlier today - I lurked for a long time (multiple years) before ever interacting with fandom on any level other than reading, and had this happened a year ago, I would completely have been locked out as well. I am so glad I made the decision to get a little bit more involved (although it was an ultimately selfish venture, as I needed a searchable place to archive all my recs), but god, it took me forever. And it wasn't even nervousness, really, although certainly a little bit was, but mostly I just never wanted to do anything but read. So I completely understand where you are coming from on this.

There is hardly ever mention of the 'lurker' phenomenon in fandom, but it is by no means rare, and I think that, despite the obvious contradiction in terms, it would be great to have someone sitting on the sidelines saying 'hey, remember the lurkers..." so that no one forgets y'all are out there.