For the First Time Ever, I'm Immensely Sorry I'm a Lurker

[litotease]

Except for the abject moral rage and deep community sorrow I was feeling, the Great LiveJournal Strikeout 2007 itself didn't affect me at all; I've never followed HP fandom at all, so I'd never heard of pornish_pixies (and see how pretty that name looks today, without all of those ugly dashes through it!), and I've never read any of the other journals involved. 

However, for the past year, I've mostly been reading in & about Supernatural -- you know, that show that's sparked the terms wincest, and wee!cest. Incest.  Underage.  Two of the keywords that were getting people banned, banned, banned from their community.  As far as I know, no one in the Supernatural fandom had their account suspended (which, given how random the suspensions seemed, must be sheer, blind luck).  Still, many, many of the fans in this fandom responded with reasonable, rational, absolutely justifiable paranoia.

So it wasn't the Strikeout itself that got me where I live.  It was the Great LiveJournal Lockdown that followed it.   Because there is a group of women out there who, on a daily basis, make me think, smile, laugh out loud.  Some days, they make my heart ache; others, they make my panties damp.  (Occasionally -- damn you all, you good writers, you -- they do both at the same time.)  On the really bad days, sometimes checking in with them gives me pretty much all I have to look forward to.  And for a brief period of time, I was flocked out.

Because not a one of them knows who I am.

For I am a lurker.  I have one of those creepy lurker journals.  I don't produce (fiction, commentary, artwork, recs, personal nattering); I have nothing to post.  I don't use LiveJournal's "friends list" function.  Most of the time, I don't even log into LJ, because I've got everything and everybody I'm interested in bookmarked.

Yesterday, my fannish silence?  Bit. Me. On. The. Ass.

Hard.

Because my silence means that I have no fan cred.  None, nada, zero, zip.  Zilch. 

In the middle of a witch hunt, when no one is certain where the enemy is getting their information, how far they've infiltrated, and how far they're willing to go -- this is not the right time to approach a stranger:  "Oh, Hi!  You have absolutely no idea who I am, and I have absolutely nothing to show you, but I like your work about this subject that's getting people kicked off of LiveJournal left and right, so would you blindly put me on the list of people you trust not to report you to the wrong authorities, please?"  Yeah.  I wouldn't, either.

This time, so far, the problem seems to have mostly gone away (most people are unlocking their fiction and meta, others are planning to unlock once they've reorganized and split-off anything personally identifiable).  This time, only one of my fandoms (the one nearest and dearest to my heart, granted) was threatened.

I'm still leery.  With this attack coming so close on the heels of the FanLib debacle, public attention has been drawn to fanfic.  I think it's possible (not probable, but possible) that fans will have to find a new safe place.  If that's so, well.  Wither thou goest. 

I just don't want to be left behind. 

So, hi, y'all!  *waves shyly, uncertain of reception*   You rock my world.

Any other lurkers out there feeling the pinch?

Comments

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

::waves::

Hello, here via metafandom and while I'm not a lurker now, I was for a lot of years in the past, so I get where you're coming from. Plus, a couple of my hard-core comfort fics ended up being locked down and I know they'll come back, but...::sigh:: I miss them already.

Also, I read your sticky-post and I had to comment with my Trixie and Honey icon (keyword=BFF, because they so are.) Oh, and yay for another old broad in fandom. =)

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

TRIIIIXXXIIIIIEEEEEEEEE! Oh, you made my day.

Thank you.

And yay! Fellow old broad! (Y'know, there are so many interesting, mature, provocative younger women in fandom -- and abundance of riches, really -- that I'm almost embarassed at how happy it makes me to stumble across someone else old enough to maybe have been in love with Spock or Illya, back when they were airing for the very first time.)

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

There really are just wonderful, fabulous, inspiring young women in fandom--I lurked through years and years, not tumbling into actual active participation until popslash--of all things--dragged me down. Which, talk about your younger-skewing fandoms! I'd end up sharing rooms at a fandom event with these lovely and talented young women and say things like, "y'all, I'd be so proud if you were my daughters." Thankfully, they forgave me. And let me tag along to all the really cool stuff. =)

But there are more of us out there than is first apparent and some of my most treasured friends have evolved out of fandom. /soppy moment

Also, friending, if that's okay.

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

Friending is wonderful, and I'm friending back.

Popslash, huh? I just couldn't do popslash, even though I knew of really good writers who were writing it; the RPS squicked me too hard.

Of course, now I'm a Supernatural fan, so all bets are off. After all that incest? My shame, she is gone. RPS isn't even a bump in the road anymore (and those two boys make it so damn easy). A couple of months ago, I even read a popslash/CW-RPS crossover. And I liked it.

*face palm*

[inalasahl]

*loves your icon*

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

And yours, too! =)