Ups and Downs. With Lots of Italics.

[litotease]

It's been a weepy week.

I'm having a mastectomy on Wednesday, home on Thursday. The 6-year-old me that lives in my head is pissed as shit, wants to clutch my right tit and say "No! It's mine! You can't have it!"  I want to get into my car, and drive, and drive, and drive away....

And -- life in the good ol' U.S.of A. -- while I'm grieving, I'm at the same time flipping out about money and co-pays and deductibles versus, oh, rent, and Fall Semester tuition and books for my kid. (She says she'll hurt me if I don't fill the damn post-surgery Vicodin prescription, just to save money.  But: $250 out-of-pocket prescription deductible v. rent!) On the other hand, I want to kiss the toes of my Union Rep. I work retail, but I'm union retail (UCFW Local 101 pride, babies!), and under our collective bargaining agreement, if I'm not working because I can't work, my medical benefits will be extended for up to a year. So if chemo makes me too sick to stand on my feet for 8 hours a day (likely), I won't lose my medical insurance just when I need it the most. I am very, very grateful for this.

Also, I keep worrying about my cat. He's a big cat, a cuddle-bug and an attention whore, who believes that the right side of my chest is his personal kingdom and rightful pillow. If I'm sitting down, odds are he's sitting half on my shoulder, half on my boob. If I'm laying down, he's laying across my chest. If I won't pick him up, he'll jump or crawl his way up. We've been playing this game for 7 years. I don't know how I'm going to keep him down/off while my incisions heal. He won't understand.

Side Note RE Medical Bill Worries: If you haven't already, go. see. SiCKO. Please. I want to marry Michael Moore and have his babies. I also want Hook-a-Canuk to be real.    (Bonus!  The Hook-a-Canuk Dating Service Vid.  Also, synchronicity -- I just clicked over to get the vid link, and noticed that there's a UCFW vid on the same page that wasn't there before.  HA!)

Comments

[daybreak777.livejournal.com]

Hi Grace. I've been thinking about you lately as I have lurked around your journal. I'm still formulating a response to your big lurk post.

But. I wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Glad you're insured, sorry you're going through this at all.

*Sending you a big internet hug right now* Introductions later. Oh, I wish I knew more about cats. But if he's half as tough as you, he'll just have to get used to it. Sometimes animals pick up on when things are different.

And take the Vicodin. Rest and heal. And post back when you feel up to it. I don't know you, but I'm friending you! Hope that's okay. Goes against my former lurkiness but I don't care, you seem interesting! *g* And I really want to hear how you're doing.

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for the moral support! I am growing amazed at how internet hugs are almost as good as the real things.

I'm looking forward to the introductions. And as a fellow lurker, I'm really tickled you've been lurking on my journal. *g*

Wish me luck today.

*Friends you back.*

[katesnotes.livejournal.com]

I am sorry for your pain and I hope the operation goes well. I can't say I know the difficulty of having to choose between painkillers and rent. That just sounds awful. I haven't seen Sicko yet because it hasn't opened here - but I live in Australia where we still mostly have socialised health care. Our evil right wing government keeps trying to make it harder to access but I still know that if I were sick I would not have to choose between painkillers and rent. I am happy that you have the union to help look after you, and you will be able to continue to get benefits and not be fired.
I know you won't feel better in the near future but I am sure you will in the long run.
Good Luck.

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the good wishes. I'm carrying them with me today.

(I have a cousin who recently did medical school in Australia. When he came back here for his residency, he was really appalled at how much we don't do in the U.S. For most people here, get really sick and you're on your own, like it's a moral failing somehow.)