For Anyone Who Might Come Calling

[litotease]

Hi, my name is Grace, and I'm a lurker.

I've been lurking around online, following one fandom to another (in alpha order: Battlestar Galactica, Buffy, Dead Zone, due South, Farscape, Firefly, Highlander,House, Hard Core Logo, Lord of the Rings, Man from U.N.C.L.E., The Sentinel, Smallville, Star Trek: TOS, Stargate: Atlantis, Stargate: SG1) for six or seven years. Currently, I'm so in love with Supernatural that I'm reeling.

I'm a slasher. And an OTP whore^{1, 2}. I loves me some Wincest. Even the wee!cest (I'm pretty sure that most of us lost our cherry before we were of legal age -- I was 17, and that was late in my crowd -- so anything post-prepubescent is fine with me).

I don't write (I'm tempted, on occasion, but I'm terrified I'd be -- not bad, but mediocre, which I think is even worse). I don't icon (at the moment -- single mom with a kid in college -- I can't justify spending money on decent graphics software, which leaves me with Paint), I don't vid (although I've been wanting to learn, and I do have MovieMaker, and some of you vidders out there might be hearing from me...).

What I do do (don't say it, Jensen) is read. A lot. Since I was 4 and was sent to live with my grandmother the former English teacher. The Cat in the Hat to The Happy Hollisters to the Trixie Belden books (I liked Trixie way better than Nancy Drew, but I may have been the only one since nobody else I know has ever heard of her) to Jane Eyre to Left Hand of Darkness and Lord of the Rings. I love a well written story.

And some of y'all out there write so well and wonderfully that it hurts my heart.

I set up this LiveJournal so that on the very, very rare occasions when I do leave feedback, there would be a name attached.

I don't leave feedback often. Sometimes, I feel really bad about this. Sometimes, when a new fandom kerfluffle kicks up (and they do), I'm really glad I'm watching from a distance.

Still, some of you have really enriched my life. Art, icons, music mixes, vids, and some of the most beautiful, heartbreaking, breathtaking, literate fiction I've ever read (Freedom's Just Another Word, anyone?). So, in the spirit of spn_appreciate, I'm gonna try to do better at letting y'all know.

Oh, also? I'm an old broad -- like half a century old. I do worry -- particularly in Supernatural since it's a really young fandom on the whole -- that the idea of a middle-aged woman perving on the Padackles or whatever is going to squick some of you (I think it would have bothered me back when I was 20). But it doesn't bother my kid, c8h10n4o2junkie, who's a 2nd generation slasher³, so I guess y'all can deal.

_____________________________________________________

¹Re: OTPS, I'm kind of funny, though. I don't mind if they sleep with someone else, or have group sex, or any other not-OTP permutation as long as it doesn't interfere with the primacy of the OTP. See Kissing, pt 2 (SGA) or Wicked (MfU) for example.

²I don't have slash OTPs for BSG or FS, as I'm really happy with the canon het relationships. As for the others: Spike/Xander, Johnny/Walt, Fraser/Ray K., Mal/Simon, Mac/Methos, House/Wilson, Joe/Billy, Boromir/Faramir, Napoleon/Illya, Jim/Blair, Clark/Lex, Kirk/Spock, John/Rodney, and Jack/Daniel.

³Honest, I didn't let her know what I was reading until she was 18!

Comments

[lily-liedtome.livejournal.com]

Re: Age

You know, it really doesn't bother me at all that you are older - and I am absolutely sure that you aren't the oldest person in fandom, not nearly. I think, because a lot of times our interactions begin in a faceless space - LJ, etc. - that what matters more than age is the quality of intellectual and artistic interaction, and mutual respect between all the parties involved.

Also, because we exist in a ageless (raceless, sexuality-fluid) space, and share a fannish vocabulary, I really have no idea how old anyone is unless they tell me, or I meet them in RL. And, honestly, I'm 19 (for the next ten days, at least); I'm young, and I worry that that makes me less reputable in fandom because, while I do have years of experience w/ fannish modus operandi, I don't have that much life experience, and in RL that means I get treated with a lot less respect and deferment than someone older than me (with more established rep, etc). My interactions with fandom have allowed me to see that perhaps the lack of respect in RL is the problem - obviously we all share a similar ability to grasp difficult concepts, and when no one has previous knowledge, we are all equally equipped to speak on a subject. *shrugs*

Sorry, that got a bit ramble-y. What I meant to say was: Would you mind terribly if I friend you?

Thanks!

P.S. Plus, JP is just hot - it's not even interpretation, it's just a fact. Oogle away. *grins*

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

I want to comment on your comment with something better than "word!", but my brain is so fried, I'm not coherent enough to do so right now. I'll try again later.

In the meantime,I'd love to be friended. May I friend back?

[lily-liedtome.livejournal.com]

Of course!

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

c8h10n4o2junkie is my favorite person on the planet, and the one who's opinion I respect most. She's also my daughter, and I will maintain 'till the day I die that she popped out of the womb more grounded than I will ever be. She's 2 months away from her 24th birthday.

For years, I've been shocked by the number of people who will in conversation ask me what her school or life plans are while she's standing right beside me. 'Cuz, she's just a kid, right? Couldn't possibly be making her own decisions. (Good Lord, she's been making them since she was 18.) Argh.

Me? I was in a store in San Francisco last Summer, one of those little ones that has it's own stereo system, and OMG, the CD they had on was amazing. I asked the salesgirl who was playing, and she looked at me funny. "They're really wonderful," says I. Now she's skeptical. "Really. I like them a lot. What's their name?" I think she was really and truly blown away by the idea that some matronly, middle-aged woman might actually be grooving on Death Cab for Cutie. Argh, again.

Ageism -- and the preconceptions that come with it -- at either end of the spectrum sucks. One of the most literate, artistic, visually stunning fan vids I've seen in the Firefly fandom was done by someone I'm told was 16 at the time she made the vid.

(Apparently, I can't make a point without telling a story. If only I could tell fictional stories. *Sighs*)

[lily-liedtome.livejournal.com]

Exactly!

Age =/= knowledge.

When you put it like that, ageism reminds me very much of sexism (and other -isms) - that assumption that a person is lesser because they are not what you are (and therefore cannot possibly communicate on your level).

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

I'm 43 and my f-list ranges from 18 (or lower; I don't ask) to mid fifties so you're not alone at all. The net's very good at stripping away a lot of the usual methods of judging people as we're all invisible behind our words; age, appearance, class, race, accent...all wiped away unless we choose to share them.

And appreciating the beauty of the Winchesters is just a matter of having eyes ;-)

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

And -- boy, oh, boy -- do I have eyes!

I like the way the internet "levels the playing ground" by eliminating whatever social judgments we all, consciously or not, make with our eyes. The only reason I know Supernatural skews young is that so many Author's Notes say "I really should be (reading about the Etruscans, memorizing cellular structure, preparing for that meeting with my Advisor tomorrow, etc.), but I'm posting fic instead!" (And if their scholarship is at the level of their writing craft, I'm sure they're all doing just fine with the academics.)

(And, ah! You're not quite old enough to have loved my first loves when first I loved them.)

(You write in almost every fandom I read; you betcha I've read your stuff. So, very belatedly, thank you!!!)

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

Very happy you've enjoyed the fics and thank you for reading them!

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

And since it was somebody other than you I actually made the "Spock and Illya" comment to, that line about "first loves" is pretty much a non sequitur, yes?

*hides face*

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

::grins:; No worries :-)

[cold-poet.livejournal.com]

*waves*

I found my way over here from fandom_flies and noticed you and I share a mutual "friend" - one who I happen to think is the bees knees. *G* So I started poking around (because I am not a lurker but I am *incredibly* nosy *G*) -

-OMG! We share so many OTPs! I love that.
-You are always welcome at my journal, if I have to lock it down you have a free pass in ;) Right now it's very QAF centric but I do post recs from other fandoms so *shrug* helpful maybe?
-http://gimp-win.sourceforge.net/stable.html This will allow you to DL Gimp, which is open-source "photoshop" software - it's remarkably similar to PS actually, it's a little less user-friendly in some things and easier in others but it works.
-most of my favorite friends in fandom are "middle-aged" I doubt anyone is going to care if you are, cause, you know - not alone - :)

*G*

Better Late Than Never?

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

First, a canned apology (because I owe it to so many people): I've been dealing with a stupid, real life health problem since July. I didn't even realize I'd been linked in fandom_flies until November [*facepalm*], and I'm just now getting enough brain power and energy back to respond. Argh! I know it discombobulates me when I do delurk and don't get any acknowledgment back; y'know, "Hello? Is anybody out there?"

Second, I owe you a very specific thank you. I've been on chemo since the end of August (woo-hoo! All done now!). The drugs they had me on the first two months left me with a very fuzzy brain, and really exhausted. (I pretty much read for a while, slept for a while, read for a while...). The second round of drugs left me feeling just as stupid, but didn't knock me out quite so much, so I needed something to keep me occupied. That's when I saw your post. Gimp! Gimp, Gimp, Gimp! I haven't done anything amazing with it (maybe now that my brain is coming back online, I'll do better), but I've been playing with it, and it gave me something fun to do. Thank you soooo much for the link!

Third, I clicked over to check out your journal before I responded, then over to your blog, and saw your post about the mom vacation. My ex and I split when my daughter was 5 months old (she's 24 years old now, and I still don't know how that happened). Every year, she'd spend a week or two with my parents, and I was so grateful and relieved for the break, and I missed her so much it hurt. Being a parent is a strange, strange thing.

And to celebrate the joy of an uninterrupted, outside smoke, I'm using my Smoking!Sisters icon. (Which I made! With Gimp!)

*g*

May I friend?

Re: Better Late Than Never?

[cold-poet.livejournal.com]

Well I guess it's my turn to apologize. *facepalm* LOL I meant to reply much sooner than this.

I am SO GLAD you're done with chemo. I cannot imagine how much that must have sucked, and I hope you're okay now. *hugs*

And I am THRILLED that Gimp worked for you. \o/ (I love your icon! Hee! That's awesome.)

And yes! Please, of course we need to be friends. *G*

Re: Better Late Than Never?

[gracecourage.livejournal.com]

Friended!

*hugs back*